The Man Wey Dey Reason Part 4

We left Obele’s canteen at about 6pm and we
walked home slowly. Slowly was how my two legs
could move because my third leg couldn’t help
hasten my steps. It was weak.
“all my body dey pain me oh, my p’rick sef dey
pain me” i complained. “ehen, make we go Oga
Benson shop go buy the drug” Man said. “wetin be
d drug name sef?” i inquired. “the drug name na
Tramadol, but i baptize am, com give am new
name, the new name na Tea. So if we reach there
na Tea we go say we wan buy, if not Oga Benson
no go sell for us” Man responded. “him say plenty
Kponkpon boys dey over use the drug, say one of
the boys almost die because him take overdose of
the drug. Dat na why him no wan dey sell am for
anyhow person, na why him code the name of the
drug as Tea” Man added.
We bought the Tramadol or rather Tea and
headed straight home.
We met only Baba jay at home. “Baba jay u don
chop so?” Brainbox asked Baba jay as we got
home. “i never chop dis nite oh, but i chop P-
square in the afternoon” Baba jay responded.
P-square wasn’t the twin guys that sings. It was
coined out of paw paw. It was yet another code
name.
Before i forgot, we had a neighbour i didn’t
mention earlier; the two big paw paw trees in our
compound. The trees that produced P-square.
“which Medicine una dey drink sef?” Baba jay
asked as he saw us swallowing the drug. “na Tea
oh” i responded. “no be only Tea, na cofee, abeg
tell me the medicine wey una dey drink jor” Baba
said. “ok na Tramadol” Man said, “aaaaah
Tramadol!! That drug wey be like c’ocaine, una
don take c’ocaine be dat oh” Baba jay said staring
at us keenly. On hearing what Baba jay said, i
instantly wished i could turn back the hands of
time, but it was too late because the Tramadol
was already seated in my stomach. “so i don drink
coco be dat? Baba jay dey lie abeg, how dis drug
go be coco” i tot, no knowing Baba jay was telling
us the fact.
“na ur papa go drink c’ocaine no be us” Man
insulted Baba Jay. “na my papa u dey curse like
dat? U no dey fear me? I be ur mate?” Baba jay
attacked. “how many years u be sef? Wey
everytime u go dey tell everybody say u be old
man” Man attacked. It was really a war of verbal
attack between Man and Baba jay. “i be 39 years
old, i be ur mate?” Baba said. I tot he said 29, not
until he repeated; “39 years na beans? I sure say
dem never even born u when i begin to drink
beer, even sef, e fit be say ur Mama be my babe
before she marry ur papa, before dem com born
u” Baba jay said. “u dey mad, no talk of Mama and
Papa like dat oh, i dey warn u oh” Man cautioned.
As the both of them continued raining abuses on
each other, all i was thinking was; “so Baba jay na
39 years, mehn him senior me with 12years oh”.
Baba jay looked a bit matured facially, but i never
expected he could be up to 39. I now saw why he
insisted he should be called “Baba jay” instead of
“Jay” because his name was Jachimike. He should
have told us to call him “grandpa Jay” instead of
“Baba jay”, because he was old enough to be a
grandpa, or so i tot.
Night fell gradually.
“make we go Paapa place na” Man said. “who be
Paapa?” I inquired. “no worry if we reach there u
go know” Man answered the same way he
answered when he was asked who Obele was.
The guy called Man, so much loved suspence, it
pisses me off. “i no want person wey go cut my
p’rick oh, like Obele do oh” i tot. “i go follow una
go Paapa place oh, make una wait for me oh”
Snoop shouted from outside.
As we were about leaving the house, someone
came in. MOG was his name.
“MOG!! MOG!!” we hailed. “God bless you guys” he
responded (his usual response when two or more
persons greets or cheers him).
MOG!! Aaaaah MOG!!. MOG was a short form for
Man of God. He was a junior Pastor in our church.
What i loved about him was that he was very
prayerful. What i disliked about him was that he
loved begging for money from his brethren and
even outsiders. If he wanted money from anyone,
he would simply preach to the person, and at the
end of his preaching he would say; “help the
ministry with anything, nothing is too big”. He
hardly says “nothing is too small”, because he was
wise enough to know that if he said that, he
would be given peanuts. If you say he converts
the Bible to a gun and uses it to rob people all in
the name of “the gospel”, you wouldn’t be far
from the truth. He hardly lacked money because
“na where man dey work, na there him dey chop”.
“where are u guys going to?” MOG asked. “we dey
go buy groundnut and bread wey we go chop”
Man told a big fat lie. “u guys should buy for me
also, i am very hungry, and am passing the night
here” MOG informed.
Or was groundnut and bread the code name of
what we were going to do at Paapa’s place? Only
time would tell.
“wetin we dey go do for Paapa place?” i asked as
we were walking down the street. “we dey go take
igboh for there, shebi una dey smoke igboh?”
Snoop inquired. “i no dey smoke igboh oh, i no
need my brain to die oh, i need am well well oh”
Brainbox said. “so we wey dey smoke, our brain
go die?” Man queried. “na una sabi na, me i don
dey go back house, i think say na food una wan go
chop for Paapa place nahim make me follow una”
Brainbox said and left. Sure, as an award winning
con artist he was, he really needed his brain to
always be at alert.
Paapa’s place was really a hideout for weed
smokers. Not only that, it was also a joint where u
could find several cultist from different cults.
“make police no come here come pack all of us
oh” i tot as i continued smoking. It was as if Snoop
read my mind, he said, “Flow no fear oh, here na
Government approved Igboh Joint”.
“Man, something wey be like Ant dey waka for my
chest oh, abi na the Tea wey i take?” i whispered
to Man as i was puffing from my second Jumbo.
“naso Tea dey do na, u no sabi say na ur chest ur
heart dey, the Tea dey pump blood comot for ur
chest go other part of ur body, na the blood wey
go give ur body the strength wey u go use do
kponkpon work Tommorow” Man explained.
“How u take know all dis things sef? U be Doctor?”
i said to Man. “i be Doctor na, Doctor of
kponkpon” he responded.
Just then, Tupac and Bigie came in. I saw from the
corner of my eyes that the both of them
anchored Snoop. Not a baggas anchor, but a
anchor, “so Tupac, Bigie and Snoop be Ave Maria?
So dem dey play Egede?”.
I almost joined the black brothers movement
when i was in sch. But why i didn’t join was
because, guys in that cult were mostly robbers.
Some were pilferers, others were pick pockets,
while some others had matured to become
highway robbers.
But i was sure Tupac, Snoop and Bigie were not
robbers, not knowing one of them was already a
household name for pilfering.
After i had smoked three Jumbo wraps, i walked
home with my guys. Sorry, I didn’t walk but flew
home, because i was on top of the world, flying
on eagles wings.
As i continued walking, i heard a voice spoke to
me, I turned, and it wasn’t any of my guys that
spoke. Yet another voice spoke.
The two voices now spoke together clearly for me
to hear. The following conversation ensued
between myself and the two voices:
“na me be Tramadol” the first voice said, “my
name na Igboh” the second voice said. “my own
name na Flow” i responded to the two voices
without my mouth moving.
Tramadol: Remove ur shirt.
Flow: why i go remove my shirt?
Igboh: because u be big boy.
Flow: i be big boy na, and i go remove am to show
u say i be big boy.
So i removed my shirt and singlet. I turned and
saw that Man, Snoop, Tupac, and Bigie were
carried away by the football argument they were
involved in. So they weren’t disturbing the
conversation with my newly found invisible
friends.
Tramadol: pull ur trouser
Flow: why i go pull my trouser?
Igboh: because u be president of Nigeria.
Flow: i no go pull am abeg, i no wear boxers
inside, u want make people dey see my prick?
Tramadol: ok go control that traffic for there.
I glanced at the road and saw that there was no
traffic jam, but all the cars were moving on high
speed.
Flow: but hold-up no dey na.
Igboh: Just go control am like dat, dem go dash u
money.
Flow: ok i go go.
I sheepishly walked to the direction of the road to
go control the traffic. I saw from the corner of my
eyes that my guys were still arguing football so
they never saw me leaving.
“hey you!! Stop there!! Hey you! move!!” i
commanded as i stood in the middle of the road.
The car i commanded to stop didn’t stop but tried
to catch break, so it made a loud screech as it
headed to my direction. I tot it had failed break.
For few seconds i found myself in the spirit world
sipping hennesey with Tupac shakur. “i don die be
dat oh” i thought.
What confirmed i wasn’t dead was when Man
shouted, “Flow that motor for kill u oh!!”..
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