The Man Wey Dey Reason Part 3
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Monday, September 28, 2015 |
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“Flow na the site be dis, na me be the chief
kponpkon officer, shebi una carry una work cloth
come?” Man said as we got to a deserted bushy
place. “we carry am na, na wetin dem wan build
here sef?” Brainbox asked. “na big filling station
na, and we go chop money here well well,
because na me dey in charge here” Man said. “the
woman wey dey build am her pekin dey abroad,
her name na Madam Ifeoma, she dey come here
everyday come supervise wetin we dey do and
pay us our money after work” Man said. “na she
put me in charge of all the labourers wey dey
work here. She go soon come sef” Man added.
We removed our clean clothes, put on our
working clothes and sat down waiting for Madam
Ifeoma.
Soon, a labourer came. He introduced himself as
Igbakwambo. In Igbo language Igbakwambo
means a hustling fellow. A name that sure befits
him. He was stunted, muscular and fair in
complexion.
Then came another labourer. Ochagbuorie was
his name. In Igbo language Ochagbuorie means
Someone that works “hard” and eats “harder” i.e
Someone that spends his money on himself. He
was sure spending his money on himself because
he was wearing a fine perfume.
Ochagbuorie and Igbakwambo were not their real
names but names they gave themselves because
of the kponkpon job.
Madam Ifeoma came sooner than expected and
Man told her that we were his friends, that we
came to join the “white colar” job of kponkpon.
Work started. As Madam Ifeoma was instructing
us on how the work for the day would be like, i
caught a glimpse of how beautiful her face was. I
never knew there was something more beautiful
than her face behind her. Though she had some
gray hair, facially, she was not all that old. She
turned backing us and showing us how we were
to cast the concrete. I wasn’t paying attention to
what she was saying, rather i was staring at her
“television shaped” a’ss.
One bag of cement is to twelve headpans of sand
is to Ten headpans of thick gravel, was the ratio of
mixture.
Man and Ochagbuorie were to dress the concrete
floor, while the rest of us were to mix and pour. It
was all man for himself because the number of
bags you mix would determine the amount you
would be paid at the end of the day. The
“international standard” price for mixing and
pouring a bag was 600naira.
It wasn’t as easy as i tot. Though i was
inexperience in mixing, i quickly learnt from “the
master” Igbakwambo. I saw from the corner of
my eyes that Brainbox was still packing sand,
while i had already started mixing. “so naso u
lazy” i almost shouted at Brainbox. Madam
Ifeoma stood close while we were packing, she
counted the number of headpans we carried,
making sure no one cheated. Igbakwambo was
working as fast as the speed of light, as if he was a
graduate of first class in “kponkponology”.
“Igbakwambo!! N’agba mbo nwanne!!”
Ochagbuorie hailed.
Before i could say Jack Robinson, Igbakwambo
was on his fourth bag, he did the work with so
much dexterity and gusto. Meanwhile, i was on
my second bag while Brainbox was still on his first
bag.
My legs were getting hot due to the effect of the
moisture on it. I was working fast so as to catch
up with Igbakwambo, not knowing i would soon
regret ever coming to do kponpon.
Mehn!! The mixture was very heavy to carry.
Though i was putting on a face cap, it was as if i
was carrying it on my bare head. My neck couldn’t
move again, i was walking like a Robot. I was on
my Fourth bag, Igbakwambo was on his Seventh
bag, Brainbox was on his second bag. Instead of
me to give up the chase oweing to the fact that
there was no way i could catch up with
Igbakwambo, i was still pulling “Superman” stunt.
I was tired and hungry, but i still endured. As i
placed the headpan full to the brim with “rice and
beans” on my head, i heard a bone crack in my
neck, “abi my neck bone don break?” i asked
myself. Before i finished asking myself that
question………………………………
“puuuuuuuuuaaaaarr” the rice and beans i was
carrying on my head poured on my body making
me fall to the ground.
The next thing i saw was four men pouring water
on me. I initially tot they were the host of heaven.
I tot i was in heaven. One thing for sure was that
you can’t see bags of cement in heaven. I wasn’t
in heaven, i was in the store house where bags of
cement were stored.
“wetin bring me come here na? Work don finish?”
i asked at the same time. “work never finish oh,
we think say u don die oh, u fall for where u dey
work” Brainbox said. “but u don fall my hand oh,
why u no tell me say u no get power na” Man said.
“why u dey talk like dis na, shey i be like lazy
person?” i responded.
The other guys went to continue working while i
and Brainbox sat eating “bons” we bought from a
snacks seller.
“guy dis kponkpon work make sense oh” i said as
we walked home after work. “when i dey tell u say
kponkpon work na the best work, u no believe”
Man said. “Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey
reason” I and Brainbox hailed.
It was for sure the best work like Man said.
because i was smiling home with 2400naira,
though the work i did was worth it. And if u
multiply 2400 by 30days in a month, then u would
aggree with me that Kponkpon work was more
Lucrative than a Bank job. I promised myself i
would put in more effort to earn as much as
Igbakwambo. It was only a promise.
“Brainbox how much u get sef?” i asked. “Omo na
1200 oh, but tommorow na another day sha” he
responded. If only Tommorow could speak. “oboy
i dey hungry oh” I said yawning. “we go chop na,
we go enter Obele canteen go chop” Man added.
“who be Obele?” Brainbox queried, “no worry
when u reach the canteen u go see who him be”
Man said. “guy all my body dey pain me oh” I
complained. “no worry, e get one strong drug wey
we go buy, if una dey drink dat drug everyday
after una work finish, una no go dey get body
pain, the drug dey give power, nahim i dey drink
sef” Man said. On hearing that, i was happy my
“kpokpon strength” would be enhanced by an
elixir. Not knowing the drug Man was talking
about was almost like c’ocaine, it was killing.
Obele!!The only thing i knew about Obele was that
Obele meant Small in English. I never knew the
person we would meet at the Canteen would be
small but mighty.
“Obele give me indomie and Egg, and u go make
custard for me sef, u go put enof milk for the
custard oh, so the blood wey don comot for my
body as i dey work go come back” Man said as we
entered Obele canteen. “Obele which soup una
cook?” i asked. “u dey mad? Dis place be like
where dem dey sell soup?” Obele cursed. “see dis
small pekin oh, na me u dey tell say i dey mad? I
be ur mate?” i said. “i be like small pekin for ur
eye? na ur papa be small pekin” Obele cursed. I
was getting mad at the way Obele was insulting
me. I never believed Children could be that rude.
It was driving me crazy.
I stood up and said, “na one hand i go take finish
u oh, ur mate dey primary sch, u dey here, who
be ur Oga sef?”. Man stood up, came close to me
and whispered to my ears saying; “guy na him be
the main Obele oh, him no get Oga oh, na him get
dis canteen oh”. I laughed out loud and said, “how
dis small short guy go get dis kin big canteen”. I
tot he wasn’t the main Obele, i tot there was
another Obele inside. “na me u dey call short
guy?” Obele yelled, keeping his guard and ready
to fight. “na me u wan fight? una no get old man
for una Village abi?” i yelled keeping my guard
also.
“Flow see small pekin wey u wan fight, u no dey
shame oh” i said in my mind. It was as if Man
heard what i said, he stood up, came close to me
and whispered to my ears: “Flow that Obele no be
small pekin oh, him just be like Aki and PawPaw
Wey dey act film, na Married man him be oh”. I
just wanted to beat the hell out of Obele so i
didn’t believe what Man told me. I didn’t believe
Obele was a Pigmy.
“i go beat u oh, i go blow ur face oh” Obele yelled.
“u wey short like dis, how ur hand go take reach
my face?” i tot. I never knew that even if his hands
couldn’t get to my face, there was somewhere it
could get to.
My d’ick.
He grabbed my d’ick with so much fury. I cried
out. I pleaded with him. I even told him i was
sorry, yet he still held my d’ick so tight. I heard a
sound as if something had burst. I tot my
s’crotum had burst. “Man make una beg for me
na, make him no cut my p’rick oh” i cried out.
Man and Brainbox came to my rescue saying;
“Obele abeg leave him p’rick na!! Obele abeg no
cut him p’rick!! Him no go call u small pekin
again!!”. “i dey mad wey i go call you small pekin?
u be big pekin oh!!!” i cried out.
Watch out for Part 4
kponpkon officer, shebi una carry una work cloth
come?” Man said as we got to a deserted bushy
place. “we carry am na, na wetin dem wan build
here sef?” Brainbox asked. “na big filling station
na, and we go chop money here well well,
because na me dey in charge here” Man said. “the
woman wey dey build am her pekin dey abroad,
her name na Madam Ifeoma, she dey come here
everyday come supervise wetin we dey do and
pay us our money after work” Man said. “na she
put me in charge of all the labourers wey dey
work here. She go soon come sef” Man added.
We removed our clean clothes, put on our
working clothes and sat down waiting for Madam
Ifeoma.
Soon, a labourer came. He introduced himself as
Igbakwambo. In Igbo language Igbakwambo
means a hustling fellow. A name that sure befits
him. He was stunted, muscular and fair in
complexion.
Then came another labourer. Ochagbuorie was
his name. In Igbo language Ochagbuorie means
Someone that works “hard” and eats “harder” i.e
Someone that spends his money on himself. He
was sure spending his money on himself because
he was wearing a fine perfume.
Ochagbuorie and Igbakwambo were not their real
names but names they gave themselves because
of the kponkpon job.
Madam Ifeoma came sooner than expected and
Man told her that we were his friends, that we
came to join the “white colar” job of kponkpon.
Work started. As Madam Ifeoma was instructing
us on how the work for the day would be like, i
caught a glimpse of how beautiful her face was. I
never knew there was something more beautiful
than her face behind her. Though she had some
gray hair, facially, she was not all that old. She
turned backing us and showing us how we were
to cast the concrete. I wasn’t paying attention to
what she was saying, rather i was staring at her
“television shaped” a’ss.
One bag of cement is to twelve headpans of sand
is to Ten headpans of thick gravel, was the ratio of
mixture.
Man and Ochagbuorie were to dress the concrete
floor, while the rest of us were to mix and pour. It
was all man for himself because the number of
bags you mix would determine the amount you
would be paid at the end of the day. The
“international standard” price for mixing and
pouring a bag was 600naira.
It wasn’t as easy as i tot. Though i was
inexperience in mixing, i quickly learnt from “the
master” Igbakwambo. I saw from the corner of
my eyes that Brainbox was still packing sand,
while i had already started mixing. “so naso u
lazy” i almost shouted at Brainbox. Madam
Ifeoma stood close while we were packing, she
counted the number of headpans we carried,
making sure no one cheated. Igbakwambo was
working as fast as the speed of light, as if he was a
graduate of first class in “kponkponology”.
“Igbakwambo!! N’agba mbo nwanne!!”
Ochagbuorie hailed.
Before i could say Jack Robinson, Igbakwambo
was on his fourth bag, he did the work with so
much dexterity and gusto. Meanwhile, i was on
my second bag while Brainbox was still on his first
bag.
My legs were getting hot due to the effect of the
moisture on it. I was working fast so as to catch
up with Igbakwambo, not knowing i would soon
regret ever coming to do kponpon.
Mehn!! The mixture was very heavy to carry.
Though i was putting on a face cap, it was as if i
was carrying it on my bare head. My neck couldn’t
move again, i was walking like a Robot. I was on
my Fourth bag, Igbakwambo was on his Seventh
bag, Brainbox was on his second bag. Instead of
me to give up the chase oweing to the fact that
there was no way i could catch up with
Igbakwambo, i was still pulling “Superman” stunt.
I was tired and hungry, but i still endured. As i
placed the headpan full to the brim with “rice and
beans” on my head, i heard a bone crack in my
neck, “abi my neck bone don break?” i asked
myself. Before i finished asking myself that
question………………………………
“puuuuuuuuuaaaaarr” the rice and beans i was
carrying on my head poured on my body making
me fall to the ground.
The next thing i saw was four men pouring water
on me. I initially tot they were the host of heaven.
I tot i was in heaven. One thing for sure was that
you can’t see bags of cement in heaven. I wasn’t
in heaven, i was in the store house where bags of
cement were stored.
“wetin bring me come here na? Work don finish?”
i asked at the same time. “work never finish oh,
we think say u don die oh, u fall for where u dey
work” Brainbox said. “but u don fall my hand oh,
why u no tell me say u no get power na” Man said.
“why u dey talk like dis na, shey i be like lazy
person?” i responded.
The other guys went to continue working while i
and Brainbox sat eating “bons” we bought from a
snacks seller.
“guy dis kponkpon work make sense oh” i said as
we walked home after work. “when i dey tell u say
kponkpon work na the best work, u no believe”
Man said. “Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey
reason” I and Brainbox hailed.
It was for sure the best work like Man said.
because i was smiling home with 2400naira,
though the work i did was worth it. And if u
multiply 2400 by 30days in a month, then u would
aggree with me that Kponkpon work was more
Lucrative than a Bank job. I promised myself i
would put in more effort to earn as much as
Igbakwambo. It was only a promise.
“Brainbox how much u get sef?” i asked. “Omo na
1200 oh, but tommorow na another day sha” he
responded. If only Tommorow could speak. “oboy
i dey hungry oh” I said yawning. “we go chop na,
we go enter Obele canteen go chop” Man added.
“who be Obele?” Brainbox queried, “no worry
when u reach the canteen u go see who him be”
Man said. “guy all my body dey pain me oh” I
complained. “no worry, e get one strong drug wey
we go buy, if una dey drink dat drug everyday
after una work finish, una no go dey get body
pain, the drug dey give power, nahim i dey drink
sef” Man said. On hearing that, i was happy my
“kpokpon strength” would be enhanced by an
elixir. Not knowing the drug Man was talking
about was almost like c’ocaine, it was killing.
Obele!!The only thing i knew about Obele was that
Obele meant Small in English. I never knew the
person we would meet at the Canteen would be
small but mighty.
“Obele give me indomie and Egg, and u go make
custard for me sef, u go put enof milk for the
custard oh, so the blood wey don comot for my
body as i dey work go come back” Man said as we
entered Obele canteen. “Obele which soup una
cook?” i asked. “u dey mad? Dis place be like
where dem dey sell soup?” Obele cursed. “see dis
small pekin oh, na me u dey tell say i dey mad? I
be ur mate?” i said. “i be like small pekin for ur
eye? na ur papa be small pekin” Obele cursed. I
was getting mad at the way Obele was insulting
me. I never believed Children could be that rude.
It was driving me crazy.
I stood up and said, “na one hand i go take finish
u oh, ur mate dey primary sch, u dey here, who
be ur Oga sef?”. Man stood up, came close to me
and whispered to my ears saying; “guy na him be
the main Obele oh, him no get Oga oh, na him get
dis canteen oh”. I laughed out loud and said, “how
dis small short guy go get dis kin big canteen”. I
tot he wasn’t the main Obele, i tot there was
another Obele inside. “na me u dey call short
guy?” Obele yelled, keeping his guard and ready
to fight. “na me u wan fight? una no get old man
for una Village abi?” i yelled keeping my guard
also.
“Flow see small pekin wey u wan fight, u no dey
shame oh” i said in my mind. It was as if Man
heard what i said, he stood up, came close to me
and whispered to my ears: “Flow that Obele no be
small pekin oh, him just be like Aki and PawPaw
Wey dey act film, na Married man him be oh”. I
just wanted to beat the hell out of Obele so i
didn’t believe what Man told me. I didn’t believe
Obele was a Pigmy.
“i go beat u oh, i go blow ur face oh” Obele yelled.
“u wey short like dis, how ur hand go take reach
my face?” i tot. I never knew that even if his hands
couldn’t get to my face, there was somewhere it
could get to.
My d’ick.
He grabbed my d’ick with so much fury. I cried
out. I pleaded with him. I even told him i was
sorry, yet he still held my d’ick so tight. I heard a
sound as if something had burst. I tot my
s’crotum had burst. “Man make una beg for me
na, make him no cut my p’rick oh” i cried out.
Man and Brainbox came to my rescue saying;
“Obele abeg leave him p’rick na!! Obele abeg no
cut him p’rick!! Him no go call u small pekin
again!!”. “i dey mad wey i go call you small pekin?
u be big pekin oh!!!” i cried out.
Watch out for Part 4
